The world, and its people, are ignorant.
Your family and friends, in truth, only care about themselves.
They will hide from this truth by employing a multitude of excuses and justifications, in attempts to appear virtuous or “good”.
But at the end of the day, virtually everything done is born of ego.
Human beings are silly creatures.
All too often we assign value to the valueless, and to a surprising degree, the detrimental.
Like children, we see another’s desire for something, and immediately react in a knee-jerk like fashion, “deciding” we want it for ourselves.
It’s been a week since I’ve last written.
Most of my time has been spent digging through the archives, learning about myself.
It’s very interesting to see who and where I was a mere year ago.
If a ghost is present then it is I.
Yes, this is the inexplicable feeling that has been weaving and wisping its way through me.
Whether this is the beginning of “enlightenment” or “true awareness” — I don’t really care.
A day is wasted when one compromises.
Yesterday, was a wasted day.
What leads one to compromise is his greatest attachments.
Family being among the most unthinkable.
Unthinkable because the world hems and haws and guilts and vilifies.
The words came to me last night, and I find it difficult to recall. I’ve lost access to that place — that window through which I saw the truth.
To force yourself upon something is to destroy it.
A homeless man entered the temple’s grounds and began digging through garbage by hand. I looked onward with suspicion. He looked downward and felt eyes burning: sensing his onlooker without a direct line of sight. I looked away.
I lie here confused by my own thoughts.
But am I really confused?
Perhaps I am simply appalled by my own ego.
Annoyed is perhaps the better word.
Annoyed, because even in seeing the futility of such a thing, it persists.
I find myself sitting in the same place I sat two years ago in Southeast Asia.
I’d come here often to study things of interest, but many times I’d simply sit and do nothing.
Having tried to do what I thought I was supposed to in the world, and sensing the futility in this, I stopped “trying” altogether.
The desire to escape to far-off lands magnifies.
I find myself growing evermore tired of the monotony of comfort and familiarity.
Sometimes things feel so meaningless and disappointing that I just want to give it all up.