Automatic Writings


A dissertation on anger

Location: Phuket, Thailand
Sub: Anger
Alternative title: Easy, Tiger

Words, oh words, will you suffice?

Sometimes you suffice. This is true.

Well, let the fingers do the talking.

I got some thoughts about anger. I got some thoughts about hypocrisy, and violence, and ego.

Oh boy, I sure do. Swimming throughout my head, as they do.

I wouldn’t call my feelings about anger typical.

I don’t believe anger is bad. Or immoral. Or something to hide.

I also don’t “support” it. I don’t recommend it. It doesn’t get a pass, just because.

But I don’t believe in hiding it. I don’t believe in being meek. Not for moral reasons, at least.

If such is effective, which it often is, then this is the best course of action.

However, sometimes anger is very effective.

Has it been effective for me? Sometimes.

Sometimes anger has helped me create, in my opinion, beautiful works of art.

Sometimes anger is simply true.

But I feel that I may be running up against anger, in a different way than I ever have.

I get angry when I see hypocrisy.

I get angry at all the little muppets and talking heads acting like they speak for the benefit of anyone other than themselves.

It’s all so pathetic. Oh, my opinions have not changed.

But you know what makes me even more angry?

The fact that hypocrisy makes me angry when I’m full of hypocrisy myself.

I mean, even what I just said proves this, does it not?

Oh, what a standard I look to set for myself.

But like I said… where virtually no men have gone…

The problem with letting hypocrisy make you angry is that there will never be a shortage of it in this world.

And most often, it does seem, that to become preoccupied with the hypocrisy of the world, as is all-too-tempting, is more damaging to the individual than the hypocrisy itself.

Wouldn’t you say?

I mean, this is what fuels politics. This is what fuels most of the discourse on Twitter.

All of this is born of ego, of course. Just like everything.

And so while it is infuriating to see people complain about others, as they are part of the problem, making it worse: aren’t you part of the problem, too?

I mean, if you bite your tongue. Maybe not.

But you’re still certainly your own problem. And that’s what really matters.

The absolute truth, is that everyone is suffering. Everyone is in competition. Everyone is fractured, on fire, seething, miserable.

They long for the truth! They long to return, to that place.

But they’re blinded. They can’t see. What is there even to see?

And because they don’t have it, they seek the immediate relief of pleasure.

The pleasure, and resultant pain, of which comes from seeking it.

The pleasure of ego, of taunting, of goading, of besting, of image-padding and status-seeking.

These are just a few examples. There is literally nothing that is not done out of the urge to seek relief.

Some are quiet. Quiet they go into the night. And while perhaps sad, it is perhaps noble. At least they don’t drag the world down with them. At least they don’t want to see the world burn.

They deserve better. And some of them, if given the truth, would perhaps stand a chance.

But this is not the world we live in.

And the reactive, the pain pushers, the circus dwellers and smiling fakes: they make the world go round. They continue the charade.

And they deserve no respect. None at all.

But because the world, is what taught them. Because it is the world itself that sets the goalposts; that puts the player’s pieces on this board game which may as well be called Purgatory: it seeks to reward them for it.

And it does, reward them for it.

It rewards them with another breadcrumb. Another carrot on a stick.

But because the common mind has been conditioned to laud these rewards, it does act as a temporal soothing balm.

Thus they keep doing it, forever.

So that’s the despicable truth.

And it IS despicable.

It is the cause, of so, so much suffering.






Passive aggression.

Just despicable.

How could one who knows, even a little bit, respect this mockery of what humanity could be?

Do you feel it?

Do you feel the anger now?

Have you ever felt it before?

Easy tiger, let me tell you what I’ve learnt.

I’ve learnt that, if you’re not going to use that energy; to funnel it into something productive: it’s going to eat you alive.

It’s going to goad you too.

Cause you’re better than that, aren’t you?

You are!

But… if you seek to lord this over anyone, you become just like them.

And this is The Hypocrisy.

And this hypocrisy, of the masses: if it enters you, if you allow this wretchedness into your life, will you not seethe even more?

You will, if you’re anything like me.

Until it becomes so unacceptable, that you’re desperate to piece together the puzzle.

Once you understand it does you more harm than good (when it truly does), you will drop it.

When you’re ready to use it? When you need that anger? Then it will be there, ready to be harnessed by its new master.

Sometimes I see violence and ego promoted in the subtlest of ways.

I’m sure you’ve seen it too, if you’re the perceptive sort.

These people: they think that by plugging up all their insecurities, it will lead to some sort of enlightenment. Or what is the actual result of enlightenment: total peace, freedom.

Of course, it never does. But it’s the classic example of another leak springing up as soon as they close another.

They never really quite get there.

The awkward, steroid using bodybuilder.

The–you know what, I’ll save you all the examples, you already know where I’m going with this. And there’s no need to point out anything specifically. Any given stereotype.

So they never really get there. They find themselves alone, sitting in the mansion, or sitting on a hill, with a bunch of money in the bank account, pretending to be a monk or something.

Or they seek more in relationships, in sex, in ego. I mean, really. OK, I just said I wouldn’t do it–you already know!

They seek it in all the wrong places!


And that’s the important part.

They do seek. They WANT the truth. Like I said, consciousness IS seeking truth. That’s literally its function. But it’s not an action. It’s its very nature.

So people are thirsty, and yet they’re drowning.

But they can’t see the water even though they’re waist deep.

This is the state of affairs. This is: situation dire.

This is what you will get, from the world.

Whenever you ask for something from it.

Whenever you expose yourself to it.

Whenever you participate in it.

Whenever you attempt to rely on it.

“Does it ever get easier?”

Don’t make me laugh. I hope none of those that happen to be reading this would ask such a question.

But it’s a question I see posed (to the world, of course).

And the world comes up with all sorts of nonsense responses.

It tries to say, that yes, it does!

It does?

Don’t we get sick? Don’t we die? Isn’t society on fire? Isn’t the whole thing degenerate?

This gets better? How?

Do even 1% of people find truth, find enlightenment?

These words are spoken by the pathetic Hopers of the world. God’s mercy upon them.

But then there’s the other sort: those that say, no, it doesn’t get better, in fact, it gets worse!

And they’re right!

But you know what? This is also an insincere response, because it’s a complaining. It’s also riddled with little tumours of hope.

Because even as they espouse the doom and gloom, a little part of them hopes that their cries will be answered by someone other than themself.

These are the absolutely meek that prop up politicians and the like. That hem and haw for things like “taxes for the rich” AS IF another $1000 in their bank account, would do anything to ease their suffering.

And if they would complain otherwise it’s because they’re ignorant, dishonest, and have no intention of being otherwise.

Because that’s their whole shtick.

Nobody wants the truth, because it places all the burden upon themselves.

Well you know what?

Some of us do. There’s a few of us out there. You likely know of one other.

And one day, we looked at the mess around us and decided, we got no other choice. We’re out of options.

This is my life. It’s my responsibility. Not anyone else’s.

And wherever I go in life, whatever happens to me, is my responsibility.

The world, doesn’t deserve such words, because it’s already prepping its insincere responses, and exclusions to the rule: whatever it can think to come up with, to avoid this truth. This burden.

I see a lot of talk about being a “Man”. As if these fools have even examined their humanity deeply, beyond the proverbial.

This is almost always a clarion call of the insecure. And the crowd goes “yeah!!” “be better!!” “do this!!”

But does it work?

They might argue that it does.

Cause look at me! I gots me a toy race car!

Whoopdeefucking do.

If you know me, you know I got nothing against money, or making it.

But these people, they are suffering. It’s as clear as day.

And perhaps it’s even more reprehensible, because they are the ones with a true opportunity to end their suffering.

To stop playing their silly little games, to realize they have enough, to realize that no more toys or status or pleasures, or whatever these people happen to be seeking, will do anything for them.

But will they?

Statistically, virtually none will.

Kapil Gupta is right when he says there’s no “such and such” path, but only a Human path.

This is absolutely true.

Is the gate narrow?

Yeah, it is.

But only because it’s invisible.

Only because society has hidden it.

But my instinct tells me, that if you’ve even get a remote chance of passing through it, then you CANNOT be the type that would let this stop you.

It didn’t stop the Buddha. It didn’t stop Jesus. It didn’t stop Kapil Gupta or any of the other countless masters.

And it won’t stop me neither.

It ain’t stopping me.

But that doesn’t mean I have to go to war with it. Far from it.

Oh society, I wash you off with, the most exquisite of soaps. But sticky you are.

So so sticky.

It’s time to break out the acetone.