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Letters

For You

I bite my tongue as the compulsion arises to speak to you directly. In doing so I would betray the impetus behind this desire for a pittance of immediate gratification. To do this would be immature and unserious. Now that I have eliminated this possibility, we can begin. It’s not hope: it’s a knowing. There […]

Categories
Automatic Writings

Red Sand

The blindfold goes on. And now I can see, what I had lost that night. Not seeing it, but recalling its scent. I was fallen. Beautifully so. I had tumbled into a stark reality. Tasting life, in all its glory. Remembering you, through your sacrifice, and blood. I can only recall. — I, will, now, […]

Categories
Automatic Writings

Beyond Thought

In the thick of it. Why does a human being seek? Is finding the losing of oneself? She said sudden understanding is in the revelation of not understanding. She said, from “her tomb”, that when she’s not writing, she’s dead. These words were spoken from the grave. I know the feeling all too well. And […]

Categories
Meditations

The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

The world, and its people, are ignorant. Your family and friends, in truth, only care about themselves. They will hide from this truth by employing a multitude of excuses and justifications, in attempts to appear virtuous or “good”. But at the end of the day, virtually everything done is born of ego. The desires for […]

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Journals

Attachment, the mother of irrational thinking.

A homeless man entered the temple’s grounds and began digging through garbage by hand. I looked onward with suspicion. He looked downward and felt eyes burning: sensing his onlooker without a direct line of sight. I looked away. He disappeared for some time, skulking behind the wat, after which we crossed paths and had a […]

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Journals

A Foxhole of Truth

I lie here confused by my own thoughts. But am I really confused? Perhaps I am simply appalled by my own ego. Annoyed is perhaps the better word. Annoyed, because even in seeing the futility of such a thing, it persists. And yet, I feel a calming wave of reassurance overcome me, as I know […]

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Journals

Observations

I find myself sitting in the same place I spent so much time at two years ago in Southeast Asia. I would come here to study things of interest, but oftentimes I would simply sit and do nothing. Having tried to do what I thought I was supposed to in the world, and sensing the […]

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Journals

Alone

The desire to escape to far-off lands magnifies. I find myself growing evermore tired of the monotony of comfort and familiarity. Sometimes things feel so meaningless and disappointing that I just want to give it all up. It’s when I’m unable to decipher the truth that the apathy comes back. Everything is indeed meaningless — […]

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Journals

Restless Nights

It’s 1:56am. Tired. Stayed up past 6am last “night”. Strange dreams. Woken without my consent. But I cannot sleep. I toss and I turn, and overheat for no apparent reason. (Was reading about an ancient master visiting his master’s grave. I long for another life. Another romanticized ghost?) It seems I can’t stop seeking. My […]

Categories
Meditations

On Truth and God

I come now, having pulled the string from my teeth. Arriving at the shore, drenched, and covered in sand. “The truth is God,” he said. But who said? And where did I come from? The underworld is full of lies, and being thrust from it leaves one exquisitely disarrayed. But the path is true, and […]