A non-fictional account of a pathological pursuit.
An innocent offering.
A compassionate bleeding.
I have felt, in the most genuine sense, that there’s nowhere to go in this life.
And this was true. It is true.
But how could I know, I would find a valley so vast?
Nothing makes sense anymore and it is a feeling of ecstasy. It has been waxing and waning but it waxes on now and I can’t help but feel a mysterious connection with the unknown that seems to be coming known to me.
Why is perfection such a terrifying thing?
The terrifying ecstasy.
This is what I have come to feel today.
I only speak for myself.
Life is perfect in that it’s going to awaken you somehow.
Even if it’s your life “flashing before your eyes” as you breathe your last breath.
Hey, say you, we don’t live life according to a beggars game, we got it on tap, Jack.
Have I found my swan song? My religion?
No, none of that . . . I mean, I just can’t stop because it’s so true?
I would just like to tell you that there are tears in my eyes upon realizing the inherent perfection in everything.
I am now in outer space and I love you.
Shovel to the face.
I have been waiting for a long time to write this.
I don’t know why. I didn’t know what it would be.
But I knew the title.
Deep breaths now.
Words are so blunt for something so surgical.
We mock those who are hopelessly in love because we are afraid.
A minority throws flowers at their feet.
Today a new man dawns.
Sayings like gift from above are no longer hyperbole.
This world tried to take away my ability to love and failed.
Death is saving my life.
I used to hate stories like ‘Eckhart sat on a bench for two years in total bliss’.
But now I can believe it.
The whole point is the truth.
Why are there so many lies?
Because everybody actually wants to know.
(Can most even bring themselves to admit it? And that they haven’t found it?)
A lie is a sin because God wants to know.
God is self-exploration.
The only thing that exists is Us, Life Itself.
(Did you know that you are actually the only thing that exists?)
There is nothing else.
You are the only begotten son and somehow this isn’t constantly on your mind?
Consciousness IS seeking truth.
With whatever infinitesimal light it happens to have.
This is all that exists.
Everybody actually wants to know.
But they want to pretend to know even more.
Drop all pretensions of knowing and you’ll find the closest thing to purpose in this life.
Something you’ll be quite shaken up about.
Your so-called knowledge brands you as complacent.
Drop out of knowledge so that you can begin to learn.
Drop out of knowledge and fall into God.
I follow God when I stop following my Self.
He’s one step ahead but the footprints are intoxicating.
I’ve known peace and I’ll know it again, but today I have been utterly shaken.
Most cannot even comprehend another’s authenticity because they’ve become so damaged by the opposite.
To them it cannot exist, and they project this belief onto others.
Know this: I write when the inkwell’s bloodied to the brim.
You lose when you play for yourself.
And yet, saving the world starts with saving yourself.
Saving yourself from right and wrong.
Saving yourself from good and bad.
Saving yourself from intellect and ego.
Saving yourself from darkness and fear.
Saving yourself from this ghastly game you partake in.
Save yourself and the inevitable light will follow.
If you’re truly selfish, selfish enough to find what works, you’ll figure out a way not to be.
What works is throwing your desk at your bookcase.
And taking a shovel to the face.
To witness a whole life through the mind does not bode well for the soul of any man.
Your morality betrays your fear.
There is no good and evil. There is only love and fear.
If you scoff at this (as I might have) it’s a certain you haven’t found your one true light.
Love is not an addition. It is the total absence of fear.
What remains is pure consciousness, aware of itself.
And in this total absence of clouding, one becomes conscious of this truth.
To know yourself is to be enlightened.
Anything less than total enlightenment, is a waste of time.
Humans spend their every waking moment asleep and in belligerent rejection of anything resembling truth in their own lives.
But in the end, they cannot reject the truth of their own deaths.
And without the grail, they cannot be fulfilled by it.
Everybody wants the same thing.
They’re all just in various stages of realizing that what they have now isn’t it.
Please, I do not wish to lord this over you.
I am in the trenches just like you are.
But can we admit that we have yet to achieve the ultimate?
Can we admit that life is pathetic without it?
Is our goal not to become Masters, or are we just pretending?
If we’re pretending, wouldn’t it be easier just to stop?
Total enlightenment, or nothing.
Life is an utter failure without realization.
And so we must go, where virtually no men have gone.
To infinity and . . .