I lie here confused by my own thoughts.
But am I really confused?
Perhaps I am simply appalled by my own ego.
Annoyed is perhaps the better word.
Annoyed, because even in seeing the futility of such a thing, it persists.
And yet, I feel a calming wave of reassurance overcome me, as I know viewing my own ego this way is ultimately what will allow me to detach.
Having insistences is like trying to push a boulder uphill.
One eventually gives in and lets go, assuming he’s not blind to the incline before him (and is of the sane sort).
It’s far easier to traverse great distances downhill, with the assistance of gravity.
With the wind at your back. Without a care in the world.
Learning to not care about oneself is tricky business. Attempting to do so because it makes things “easier” for oneself is a contradiction.
The distinction lies between the self and the “non-self”. If you’re doing it for the self, or “yourself”, or the ego — it cannot work.
But if it comes naturally after becoming tired of and disenfranchised with the self: this is real.
And it can be had — permanently — but only after seeing the futility of the alternative, again and again . . . and again.
The self and the image have nothing to do with you as an organism. To no longer be subject to the whims of this ego is what freedom is.
To make this subtle distinction often requires a life of pain and discomfort.
Every life contains pain. But the easy access to an unlimited supply of worldly comforts and assorted numbing agents, prevents one from making this all-important distinction.
If things are “okay” — if living as yourself is “good enough” — what causation is there for you to see things differently?
This distinction seems to be a foothold in which one may anchor himself. A foxhole one may return to, when the going gets tough.
When the going gets tough, is perhaps the best opportunity for introspection of all.
Because behind this seemingly difficult obstacle, lies one of your mind’s greatest insistences.
Something it isn’t quite ready to let go of, because you’ve yet to deem it necessary.
Life isn’t always that complicated.
What’s truly needed is almost always found, one way or another.
Your cries and bumblings for a “better life” are nothing more than lies you tell yourself.
You know what you need, whether that be money, status, peace or pleasure.
If you truly need it, it will be yours. And it will come easily.
If the truth is you do not need more than you currently have, perhaps you will find peace and satisfaction in no longer pretending this to be otherwise.
The people that vilify the rich do so in attempts to gain status. If they truly wanted more money, they’d be busy making more money.
If the people who spend their time arguing about tax “fairness” on social media instead chose to spend this time on a sincere pursuit, they’d make far more than any politician has the gall to promise them.
It’s never about “the issue”. It’s always about “the other”.
And in truth, it’s not about “the other” at all. It’s about themselves.
The extent to which human beings live in disingenuousness is unfathomable. Almost nobody would admit the above to be the case for themselves. Their egos wouldn’t even allow them to consider it.
And without the ability to see through their own delusions, they’ll remain trapped in them forever.
For such people there is no hope. For such people one shouldn’t waste a breath.
Wisdom is dead, and perhaps God along with it.
The only one who can traverse to the Other Side is the nobody.
For when he no longer loves himself,
When he no longer believes in his self,
He will come to know Him.