Automatic Writings

Fire and Poison

Burning within me

Jump into this slipstream before I believe in your dream

People and shadows move together like ventriloquists

Pointed, exact, hidden secret portals allow one to enter new realms

And so let’s exit into a new one

What right now is standing in the way of me and instant genius?

Most certainly the mind

Most certainly distractions

But it’s not the distractions

It’s that you’re distractible

What’s standing in the way of instantly transcending this mind?

Need to do, need to produce, need to get somewhere

And why do I need to get away?

Is it because I’m running from myself and reality?

Why do I need to get something out of something?

Is it because I’m touched by ambition and drive?

Is this really the problem or is it because this sends me on a chase for a way, a method?

What things, that if I did them, would guarantee my success?

Wouldn’t it be a lack of need for success?

How can one toe this line?

There is no how

It’s done by necessity

I stand in the way of myself

This need

Today I sit and ask myself hard questions

Hard because the answers are ones that create self-conflict

I hate the unseriousness around me I absolutely fucking hate it

It’s not the problem but I hate it all the same

Certainly it keeps me tethered no doubt

But I can and will find a way to transcend this, as I have no choice

To be unagitated nor concerned

Just driven mad

No time

For the stupid


People just want to play with fluffy animals all fucking day and talk to their stupid friends all fucking day and compromise all fucking day and bring the real ones down all fucking day

People always knew, they most certainly did, as known by the condescending way they’d refer to me by Mr. Last name

As if to say who do you think you are

And I never thought anything

Not even once

If I did it was one of insecurity confusion and doubt

But I brushed it all aside like the garbage it was and I ignored it and refused to play their stupid games without refusing because for some god given reason I am different

And perhaps I’ve lived many lives and have always sought truth because of what I’ve learned in the last

And perhaps it’s all coming to a boiling point and perhaps this will be my last

I’m not angry because I’m alone I’m angry because I’m not alone enough

I’m angry because I’m repulsed by what I’ve let myself become and I don’t know how to fall out of it other than by drifting off alone into these crazy voids where things just happen and genius comes with ease and nobody takes me out of it

Don’t you ever let yourself compromise, friend.

If you find yourself without relationship, hear me when I say that this is a blessing

Do not believe the scum who dangle lies in front of your face, convincing you that it’s serving your need

The nights are cold and dark

The shadows are long and stark

I won’t sugar coat it

But by God willing may you see that this is what keeps one hungry and alive

This is what reminds one of what is really taking place here

You seek to live in a societal cryo chamber because you’re afraid of this truth

But if you do you will die never coming to know life

The best thing you could do for yourself is to leave forever and never come back

To walk the Sahara with no water, so that you may come to understand what life really is

To be left out in the freezing cold, so that you may no longer be nursed into complacency by the fire

You will never ever become serious until life itself is presented to you in a serious manner

You think you’re going to change surrounded by politics and frappuccinos and selfies and parrots and smooth talkers and image padders

Life is best lived as a lonely wanderer, making his way from each temporary haven to the next

May he spend a single night at this fire, may he speak words of wisdom with its keeper,

And may he leave immediately the next morning lest he succumb to a life of gluttonous complacency more dangerous than any sugar or drug known to mankind

Shake in the cold

Feel the pains of reality

Stand on your own two feet

Become independent

Rely on nobody

Not even yourself

Not that clever mind of yours

For it will whisper sweet songs and lullaby you to sleep

It will try and try and try and leave you bleeding dry

The ones that are unable, the ones who are weak

Would be best served admitting this to themselves

Just kick back, grab a hot drink, pat yourself on the back

Give in and enjoy your comforts

Just please don’t insult the rest of us

You can sit in the bleachers and cheer your favorite players

You can say what you’d do given the opportunity

I’ll nod and smile

I’ll nod and smile at the living dead

He can serve me when I return to the fire for a momentary rest

He can help me remove my armor

He can pull up a stool for my worn feet

And I will smile and respect this man for admitting the sort of heart that beats within him

But I will spit poison and fire in the face of the pretender who claims to be anything but

Including myself