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Meditations

Splitting Atoms

The thing is done for something.

The truth lies in what this something really is, versus what you believe it to be.

The two must be contrasted.

If you tell me it’s to get somewhere, I will tell you it’s to satisfy the need to get somewhere.

One may exit the mind in one second flat if he truly desires it.

But he does not desire it.

The reason he does not desire it, is because he is unable to desire it.

He is unable to desire it, because he doesn’t really know what It is.

The insincere individual desires to talk about it. To signal it. To intellectualize it; philosophize it.

The sincere individual desires to learn about it. To discover it. To make it his own.

If a colorblind individual convinces himself that he truly wants to see the color green, is he not being dishonest with himself?

Is the truth not that he simply wants to see something he’s never seen before? Something he believes he has the right to see?

It’s not a question of how to do this: it’s a question of why.

The answer may reveal a genuine desire, or it may reveal a chase.

Neither are good or bad.

But if something is done for a reward, perceived or otherwise, one is headed for disappointment.

Because what this person does not realize, is that it’s not actually done for the reward — it’s done to satisfy the need and clamoring for it.

It’s done to quell the anxiety produced by the thought of not receiving it.

And you know this, don’t you?

Because even after having attained various things in your life, you always feel empty. You have no choice but to begin the chase anew.

If you believe you desire to exit your mind, you misunderstand.

Because if you truly desired to do so, you’d do so.

And it’s not because you can’t. It’s not because you never will.

What you fail to understand is that you do not understand.

You do not understand what exiting the mind really means.

The desire to discover what it means may be sincere and genuine.

But it remains just that, until it doesn’t — or it’s discovered.

And no, you should not feel that this is “bad” or a failing on your part.

How could it be otherwise?

You may desire to learn. You may desire to know.

But can you really desire something if you don’t know what it is?

Perhaps it’s a feeling. Perhaps you can sense it.

Perhaps it’s one part running away, one part running towards.

But what if you understood every single cause and effect in your life?

What if the thing was always done for the thing itself?

What if you abandoned all attempts to do otherwise, because you saw the truth?

What if you truly came to learn what exiting the mind really means, and if you really desired it or not?

What if it could be had this very moment, by way of sincere demand?

What if you truly demanded it right now?

Why would you do so?

What if you realized that it’s not good or “special” to do so?

Wouldn’t seeing past good and bad, reveal to you the necessity of learning what the thing is in the first place?

What if you saw the practicality in truly desiring to learn — rather than swimming in the belief that you desire, that which you cannot?

Wouldn’t splitting this atom reveal to you what the thing really is, and what it’s not?

Could it be that you pursue the pursuit itself?

Could it be that this pursuit is a reaction to the fear of not pursuing it?

Could it be that most pursuits are middle men? Paying our dues? Saying grace?

Could it be that right now, it’s simply an idea, a chase?

Could it be that you still believe it’s a wonderful experience to be attained and achieved?

What if the answers the mind gave you, as to why you’re doing what you’re doing, served only the mind itself?

What if exiting the mind cannot be done by way of mind?

If you truly believe you want to exit the mind,

If you truly believe yourself to be sincere,

Go ahead and do so.

No, seriously — nobody is stopping you.

I will await you here.