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Meditations

Disaffected Malcontent

I have been disaffected for several years now.

Have you ever noticed that when people say things, they’re saying it to themselves?

There is no conversation. It’s a battle. A battle with their mind.

True conversations only happen once in a blue moon.

The other day I met with somebody, a family member, when he said, “so and so says hi.”

Now, I’ve met this person once in my life, over a year ago.

I understand why this took place: a typical social nicety.

What was strange, was the reaction that took place. Upon hearing this name I felt nothing, other than slight confusion. And the other person realized how silly this was upon feeling my reaction. How strange these things are.

As I said, I have been disaffected for many years. I have been to strange places; through hell and back.

It took me many years to discover that this discontent was the truest thing in my life. For it was the seed that spawned all the various journeys in my life. And for that, I will never apologize.

Is it comical that riding these waves of discontent often lead me to experience moments of true bliss and contentment?

This discontent is my greatest ally, even though it puts me at odds with the world. At odds with every single human being I’ve ever met.

It’s a blessing that only looks like a curse.

I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. But only the latter is guaranteed. The former encapsulates the eternal struggle.

But nothing lasts forever. This won’t.

How does that truly make me feel? I don’t believe the word “fear” carries the nuance required to accurately describe it. Is it fear or the sorrow and pain that comes with severing one’s own chains?

Like a high-powered magnet pulling at, tattooed handcuffs.

I am beginning to understand the true relationship between the energies that surround people. An alchemy most definitely takes place. This is almost always a negative, limiting thing.

The truth is, you will almost invariably have your inspiration severely limited, if not entirely sapped from your being by exposing yourself to uninspiring people.

This is an objective truth, and the only thing that remains to be seen is if you allow this to take place or not.

You are almost guaranteed to allow it for the whole of your life, if you value and prioritize anything but the inspiration, and the fruit it bears.

Do you feel as if you have something to lose, or not?

This will decide your fate.

And I can say that unless you’ve felt “It” before, you will feel as if you don’t.