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Journals

No Buddha

1:42am, Ho Chi Minh City // August 20th

Down a dark alley way, a dog looks to me in suspicion, indecisive if I’m worth the taste.

I feel he senses I’m out of place; that I do not belong here.

Is this why I’m here?

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“No Buddha”

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Vampiric Tendencies

One can feel like a vampire out in the desert, sun blazing. It’s cold hiding in the shadows all day, but the unabated sun is hardly bearable for more than a couple of minutes.

I’m used to the constant, thick heat of Southeast Asia at this point.

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“Vampiric Tendencies”

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Ride and Die

1:39pm, Ho Chi Minh City

Today I woke to the comforting sounds of rain filling me with memories of growing up in the Pacific Northwest.

To me warm rain is like a warm blanket.

The warm rain of my past tugs at my heart.

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“Ride and Die”

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As You Did

Well if I can’t remember why I picked up the pen in the first place then I’ll simply write about The Despair.

Once again this morning I was engulfed by it. It comes from the pressure to succeed; the fear of failure.

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“As You Did”

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Eagle Eye

Sitting on the edge of a fertile valley. Trees push uphill in the distance, hands on each other’s backs like a trail of army ants: Brotherhood of Green. Smoke fills the vale from unknown sources. Little lights open their eyes blinking on, as dusk descends upon the highlands.

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“Eagle Eye”

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April 4th

It’s been a while since I’ve written in this journal, by hand. There is so much to explore, so many questions to ask. So many lies to smoke out. So many things left to understand.

Where do I even begin?

My focus lately has been directed towards understanding perception.

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“April 4th”

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Dead Ends

Often I hear voices speaking in Vietnamese while sitting in the kitchen, as it shares a wall with a bank.

Often I hear voices in my head, speaking of fantastical things.

I say fantastical but sometimes I question their validity, as the feeling can be unmistakable.

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“Dead Ends”

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The Source

This world and its people want me to be something.

A certain someone.

And in “becoming” a certain someone, by assuming a role, one is trapped in purgatory.

Being a “someone”, or assuming a predestined concept, is to willfully imprison oneself.

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“The Source”

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Seek and Speak

I do not know what led me down this path. All I know is that the fire to do so has been burning within me for years. I can honestly say that the only thing that prevented me from doing so earlier was the world; giving it credence.

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“Seek and Speak”

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Gum Wrapper

This morning I awoke to feeling the pressure to do something I don’t really want to do. My mind was telling me this pressure was coming from the outside: another person. But I know that’s not really true. The trigger may be on the outside, but it’s my own mind harassing me.

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“Gum Wrapper”