Human Hamster Wheel

Going nowhere fast

I wake up, and before even having cleaned the sleep from my eyes, despair and silence swallows me whole.

It’s relatively late already, which surprised and irked me slightly, even though I’ve no place to go, nothing to do, and nobody to see.

Read the rest “Human Hamster Wheel”



Within the vortex of ignorance

It’s been a week since I’ve last written.

Most of my time has been spent digging through the archives, learning about myself.

It’s very interesting to see who and where I was a mere year ago.

Read the rest “Camouflaged”


Friday the 13th

The ghost within takes over

If a ghost is present then it is I.

Yes, this is the inexplicable feeling that has been weaving and wisping its way through me.

Whether this is the beginning of “enlightenment” or “true awareness” — I don’t really care.

Read the rest “Friday the 13th”


Attachment and Irrational Thinking

Becoming the other

A homeless man entered the temple’s grounds and began digging through garbage by hand. I looked onward with suspicion. He looked downward and felt eyes burning: sensing his onlooker without a direct line of sight. I looked away.

Read the rest “Attachment and Irrational Thinking”



On dropping out of society

I find myself sitting in the same place I sat two years ago in Southeast Asia.

I’d come here often to study things of interest, but many times I’d simply sit and do nothing.

Having tried to do what I thought I was supposed to in the world, and sensing the futility in this, I stopped “trying” altogether.

Read the rest “Observations”



So that I may know myself

The desire to escape to far-off lands magnifies.

I find myself growing evermore tired of the monotony of comfort and familiarity.

Sometimes things feel so meaningless and disappointing that I just want to give it all up.

Read the rest “Alone”


Restless Nights

A restless mind

It’s 1:56am. Tired. Stayed up past 6am last “night”. Strange dreams. Woken without my consent.

But I cannot sleep. I toss and I turn, and overheat for no apparent reason.

(Was reading about an ancient master visiting his master’s grave.

Read the rest “Restless Nights”


Falling Hard on the Rocky Floors of Reality

Truth is painful

The truth comes down on me hard.

I have been caught in a tormentful spell: the natural result of living in domestic hell.

I have been chasing things I thought I’d learned not to chase long ago.

I have come so far, but I have not been able to overcome the constant torrents life throws at a person.

Read the rest “Falling Hard on the Rocky Floors of Reality”


Translucent Strings

The unknown self

It’s never been more clear to me than now, that I don’t know who I really am.

There are translucent strings that pull me this way and that.

This I know.

And in knowing this, I have been able to slowly but surely learn my way out of complete and total ignorance.

Read the rest “Translucent Strings”