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Gum Wrapper

This morning I awoke to feeling the pressure to do something I don’t really want to do. My mind was telling me this pressure was coming from the outside: another person. But I know that’s not really true. The trigger may be on the outside, but it’s my own mind harassing me. It then proceeded […]

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Human Hamster Wheel

I wake up, and before even having cleaned the sleep from my eyes, despair and silence swallows me whole. It’s relatively late already, which surprised and irked me slightly, even though I’ve no place to go, nothing to do, and nobody to see. The building I reside in reminds me of something out of the […]

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Camouflaged

It’s been a week since I’ve last written. Most of my “working” time has been spent digging through the archives, learning about myself. It’s very interesting to see who and where I was a mere year ago. To be blunt, I might use words like despair, overwhelming desire, confusion, surprise, and fear. Fear of not […]

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Friday the 13th

If a ghost is present then it is I. Yes, this is the inexplicable feeling that has been weaving and wisping its way through me. Whether this is the beginning of “enlightenment” or “true awareness” — I don’t really care. If freedom arises from it, that’s all that matters. And freedom has been mine. As […]

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Nature Will Take Its Course

A day is wasted when one compromises. Yesterday, was a wasted day. What leads one to compromise is his greatest attachments. Family being among the most unthinkable. Unthinkable because the world hems and haws and guilts and vilifies. The most clever excuses are the agreed upon. There’s always an out if you’re looking for one. […]

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Fallen Ash

The words came to me last night, and I find it difficult to recall. I’ve lost access to that place — that window through which I saw the truth. To force yourself upon something is to destroy it. To break it. I know that once I’ve “forgotten” all about it, it will pierce my mind […]

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Attachment and Irrational Thinking

A homeless man entered the temple’s grounds and began digging through garbage by hand. I looked onward with suspicion. He looked downward and felt eyes burning: sensing his onlooker without a direct line of sight. I looked away. He disappeared for some time, skulking behind the wat, after which we crossed paths and had a […]

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A Foxhole of Truth

I lie here confused by my own thoughts. But am I really confused? Perhaps I am simply appalled by my own ego. Annoyed is perhaps the better word. Annoyed, because even in seeing the futility of such a thing, it persists. And yet, I feel a calming wave of reassurance overcome me, as I know […]

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Observations

I find myself sitting in the same place I spent so much time at two years ago in Southeast Asia. I would come here to study things of interest, but oftentimes I would simply sit and do nothing. Having tried to do what I thought I was supposed to in the world, and sensing the […]

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Alone

The desire to escape to far-off lands magnifies. I find myself growing evermore tired of the monotony of comfort and familiarity. Sometimes things feel so meaningless and disappointing that I just want to give it all up. It’s when I’m unable to decipher the truth that the apathy comes back. Everything is indeed meaningless — […]