Back in my own boots.
Not looking is what allows me to see.
No more getting twisted up in the roots.
No more trying to create waves when there’s no wind.
Either it’s captured, or it dies.
Once it’s gone, it’s gone.
No place to go, no place to see.
Almost 28 years, and it’s enough.
When I was young, almost nothing could affect me.
And I’m finally circling back.
Having recognized, that all my life, I’ve only ever done something, so that I may return, to doing nothing.
I’ve always abhorred, something.
I was never one, to chase.
But then, most of my twenties were spent chasing.
Understand that if you’re compelled to chase, you must.
Understand that fighting this, is a chase in of itself.
Understand that The Great Escape must be attempted, before it is seen as such.
If it’s not, you will never know.
It will always be lurking, in the back of your mind, as the coveted way out.
When it is not.
There is, no way out.
There is, only this.
Why isn’t this enough for you?
It’s because you don’t really see it.
And this is because, you’re too busy looking for it.
The truth is, most of your life is spent fighting it.
This is why, your muscles are tense. This is why, anxiety ripples through your body.
This can all go away.
It can all be done with.
. . . Once you’re done with it.
Once you see, that you’re exactly where, you need to be.
Once you learn, that you can’t do anything, nor can you not.
Nor will you get there, thinking that trying not to, is anything but.
What is “the hard way”?
Is this not direct experience?
There is nothing else. There is no “easy”.
And therefore, there is no “hard”.
Things are, how they are.
Feel your pains. See your sorrows.
Arrive at every mountain’s peak, so that you may see there’s no place left to go, but down.
Then, you will see.
Then, you will know.
There’s really only one place left, to go.
And that’s back where you started.
We humans, we complicate everything.
Every question, the creation of a problem.
The reaction to this, an even greater one.
I don’t know how to describe The Way.
It is so peculiar. So paradoxical.
And why shouldn’t it be?
If it weren’t, would you smile upon arrival?
And if you ask “what now” upon arrival, then you really haven’t arrived at all.
Does it go deeper than this?
I’m sure it does.
But this only becomes a possibility, by first returning home.
By first learning, every single thing that leads one from it.
Everything is in its right place.
If you are destined to arrive, there is no effort required.
But you will put in the effort anyway, and when you do, this is exactly how it needs to be.
. . . So that you may learn the truth.
You will be up, and you will be down, until you learn, you’ve merely surrendered your crown.
And I say, why not paint beautiful landscapes, from the tops of these peaks?
Why not bring to life, the shadows and the ghosts, swimming in the valleys below?
Reach this place, and understand, that not all is for naught.
Far from it.
But it will be, if you continue to believe, it shouldn’t be happening.
That you shouldn’t be there.
Where else could you be?
What is wrong with it?
How many others will stand in your shoes?
Why not speak to them?
Why not create, for them, if not for yourself?
You will never get these years back.
It’s already almost too late.
The losses, are already seismic.
If you wish to lament on this, then so be it.
But you’ll paint me a pretty picture while you do, won’t you?