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Meditations

The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

The world, and its people, are ignorant.

Your family and friends, in truth, only care about themselves.

They will hide from this truth by employing a multitude of excuses and justifications, in attempts to appear virtuous or “good”.

But at the end of the day, virtually everything done is born of ego.

The desires for you to “do well” and to “be safe” — the want for “what’s best for you” — are all born of their own ego.

Such desires exist only to create the possibility of receiving a dose of good feeling upon fulfillment.

There is nothing wrong with any of this. In many ways, it’s completely understandable — as they do not understand.

But this doesn’t change the fact that it’s all disingenuous.

Family is the biggest scam in existence.

It has always sickened me how people blindly buy into the idea of “family”, and impose their morality on those who don’t.

And this is coming from a person who does, in fact, “care about his family”.

If there’s a hatred, it’s for the false ideals that have ruined the lives, and continue to ruin the lives, of everyone I know.

“Family” is a hopeless construct.

Believing things are supposed to be “this way”, and becoming upset when they are not, is a complete and total recipe for destruction and disaster.

Human beings wish for the impossible.

And yet, such ideas — even when identified as such — are not dropped easily.

Most will die with them clutched in their cold, dead hands.

I’ll be honest: I myself, wish it wasn’t this way. And I’ll also admit this wish is born of selfish desire.

I do not like to see those whom I “care about” — those whom I’m attached to — suffer.

Because it brings me suffering to see them suffer.

But in this same breath, I must also admit that there’s no hope for these people.

There just isn’t.

Certain realizations may come, but it will almost certainly be far too late.

In truth, it’s already too late.

Human relationships are a dangerous thing.

Various people, to whom I have no attachment, have reached out to me after reading something I wrote.

And even in simple exchanges such as these, I have become acutely aware of what can go wrong.

Of where I can go wrong.

Occasionally, I will review what I said to a person, and find evidence of impurity.

Though it may contain far more purity than what the masses would expatiate, given the chance: it’s still poisoned by a certain level of reactivity — no matter how minute.

And this bothers me. It brings me shame.

I do not wish to steer people astray. I do not wish to live in a reactive manner. And I do not wish to portray that which I am not.

But even with the wisdom I have now, the ego is far too hungry to say this or that — to impose what it thinks, its will, its “wisdom” — on another.

Nobody should ever tell anyone what to do.

Nobody should even display a SENTIMENT of what another should think, feel, or do.

Such things are disgusting. And I am disgusted by myself when I see myself doing it.

Where does this leave the one who views walking on eggshells as a necessity?

What is one to do, other than speak to virtually no one?

Maybe he is to do just that.

Speak to nobody.

Keep his mouth shut.

Because if he doesn’t inadvertently do damage to another, it’s very likely the other will inadvertently do damage to him.

This is not an “easy” thing to do. It’s an utter impossibility for one who views it as something to do at all.

But I have always been a recluse. I have always known human beings to wreak havoc in their wake.

And perhaps the final realization that leads one to such a life, is the realization of the havoc they wreak themselves.

Perhaps there will come a time when, after reaching a certain level of purity and maturity, I will be able to speak to people in perfect wisdom.

But that day, is not today.

A human being is caught between a rock and a hard place. Between Scylla and Charybdis.

Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea.

If he gives his family what they think they want: they suffer.

If he doesn’t give his family what they think they want: they suffer.

If he tries to “teach” them the truth about such things: they will become confused, upset, or angry — and suffer.

If he says nothing, and goes into hiding: they will almost certainly suffer.

If he learns to speak the truth with a complete disregard of outcome: there will most certainly still be suffering. But perhaps in doing so, it will reveal a possibility of less suffering, in the future.

If there’s truly no way out of this conundrum, perhaps this is the only path of practicality.

And to understand, that no matter the wisdom one may have acquired: nobody can be saved — nobody can be coaxed out of their suffering.

It’s already Christmas Day in the East.

And though technically I’m not alone: in many ways, I am.

“Merry Christmas”, to me, is a mere formality.

I have never truly cared about holidays.

These things have never meant anything to me.

They bring with them certain novelties, sure.

But I don’t need a government or a calendar to tell me what to do, or how to think today.

As a child, I never gave it much thought, but I never bought into it then either.

Just like how I never bought into anything else.

It has always astonished me how people ascribe ideas like “family closeness” to these days.

If it was truth, then why isn’t every day lived this way?

I simply don’t have the stomach for such ideas, and especially not for those who impose them on others.

These things quite literally drain me. It’s borderline painful.

When there is need, there is despair.

I’ve no use for either.