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Journals

Human Hamster Wheel

Going nowhere fast

I wake up, and before even having cleaned the sleep from my eyes, despair and silence swallows me whole.

It’s relatively late already, which surprised and irked me slightly, even though I’ve no place to go, nothing to do, and nobody to see.

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Automatic Writings

Beyond Thought

Seeing past the mind’s eye

In the thick of it.

Why does a human being seek?

Is finding the losing of oneself?

She said sudden understanding is in the revelation of not understanding.

She said, from “her tomb”, that when she’s not writing, she’s dead.

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Meditations

The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

Human truths

The world, and its people, are ignorant.

Your family and friends, in truth, only care about themselves.

They will hide from this truth by employing a multitude of excuses and justifications, in attempts to appear virtuous or “good”.

But at the end of the day, virtually everything done is born of ego.

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Meditations

The Game You’ve Been Duped Into Playing

Lead astray

Human beings are silly creatures.

All too often we assign value to the valueless, and to a surprising degree, the detrimental.

Like children, we see another’s desire for something, and immediately react in a knee-jerk like fashion, “deciding” we want it for ourselves.

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Journals

Camouflaged

Within the vortex of ignorance

It’s been a week since I’ve last written.

Most of my time has been spent digging through the archives, learning about myself.

It’s very interesting to see who and where I was a mere year ago.

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Journals

Friday the 13th

The ghost within takes over

If a ghost is present then it is I.

Yes, this is the inexplicable feeling that has been weaving and wisping its way through me.

Whether this is the beginning of “enlightenment” or “true awareness” — I don’t really care.

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Meditations

Nature Will Take Its Course

The illusion of choice

A day is wasted when one compromises.

Yesterday, was a wasted day.

What leads one to compromise is his greatest attachments.

Family being among the most unthinkable.

Unthinkable because the world hems and haws and guilts and vilifies.

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Meditations

Fallen Ash

The moment becomes the memory

The words came to me last night, and I find it difficult to recall. I’ve lost access to that place — that window through which I saw the truth.

To force yourself upon something is to destroy it.

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Journals

Attachment and Irrational Thinking

Becoming the other

A homeless man entered the temple’s grounds and began digging through garbage by hand. I looked onward with suspicion. He looked downward and felt eyes burning: sensing his onlooker without a direct line of sight. I looked away.

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Meditations

A Foxhole of Truth

Warring with ego

I lie here confused by my own thoughts.

But am I really confused?

Perhaps I am simply appalled by my own ego.

Annoyed is perhaps the better word.

Annoyed, because even in seeing the futility of such a thing, it persists.

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