Categories
Meditations

Unmistakable

It’s a conversation with myself. That’s what all this is. And when it stops being that, when it becomes something else, the knowing fades. When you have too many ideals, how can you expect to be satisfied with the non-ideal? And is life ever ideal? You can probably count the number of ideal moments you […]

Categories
Automatic Writings

The Shadow

Who, are you? And why, do you speak to me? Are you trying to guide me? Why do I feel such a wave of reassurance in your presence? I know what you look like. I know your essence. You’re shrouded in dark, with a grin reserved only for me. I can’t recall the first time […]

Categories
Meditations

Mr. Rubik’s

An incessant buzzing. Trite nonsense, spinning, and weaving, Identified as foe rather than friend, in its 4am callousness. Two hours of sleep yesterday, four hours of sleep only now. To awaken to such irrelevance: it almost seemed malicious. I was beginning to sense a construction take place. In fact I quite literally saw it. Revving […]

Categories
Letters

For You

I bite my tongue as the compulsion arises to speak to you directly. In doing so I would betray the impetus behind this desire for a pittance of immediate gratification. To do this would be immature and unserious. Now that I have eliminated this possibility, we can begin. It’s not hope: it’s a knowing. There […]

Categories
Automatic Writings

Red Sand

The blindfold goes on. And now I can see, what I had lost that night. Not seeing it, but recalling its scent. I was fallen. Beautifully so. I had tumbled into a stark reality. Tasting life, in all its glory. Remembering you, through your sacrifice, and blood. I can only recall. — I, will, now, […]

Categories
Automatic Writings

Beyond Thought

In the thick of it. Why does a human being seek? Is finding the losing of oneself? She said sudden understanding is in the revelation of not understanding. She said, from “her tomb”, that when she’s not writing, she’s dead. These words were spoken from the grave. I know the feeling all too well. And […]

Categories
Meditations

The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

The world, and its people, are ignorant. Your family and friends, in truth, only care about themselves. They will hide from this truth by employing a multitude of excuses and justifications, in attempts to appear virtuous or “good”. But at the end of the day, virtually everything done is born of ego. The desires for […]

Categories
Journals

Fallen Ash

The words came to me last night, and I find it difficult to recall. I’ve lost access to that place — that window through which I saw the truth. To force yourself upon something is to destroy it. To break it. I know that once I’ve “forgotten” all about it, it will pierce my mind […]

Categories
Journals

Attachment and Irrational Thinking

A homeless man entered the temple’s grounds and began digging through garbage by hand. I looked onward with suspicion. He looked downward and felt eyes burning: sensing his onlooker without a direct line of sight. I looked away. He disappeared for some time, skulking behind the wat, after which we crossed paths and had a […]

Categories
Journals

A Foxhole of Truth

I lie here confused by my own thoughts. But am I really confused? Perhaps I am simply appalled by my own ego. Annoyed is perhaps the better word. Annoyed, because even in seeing the futility of such a thing, it persists. And yet, I feel a calming wave of reassurance overcome me, as I know […]