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Meditations

. . . I Don’t Know What to Say

One of my greatest fears used to be being controlled. Whether by an individual, a group, a state, or anything external to my sovereignty as an individual. I got wind of the fact it was indeed I who controlled myself and my living experience several years ago. But it wasn’t until I had my mind […]

Categories
Meditations

Disaffected Malcontent

I have been disaffected for several years now. Have you ever noticed that when people say things, they’re saying it to themselves? There is no conversation. It’s a battle. A battle with their mind. True conversations only happen once in a blue moon. The other day I met with somebody, a family member, when he […]

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Journals

Vampiric Tendencies

One can feel like a vampire out in the desert, sun blazing. It’s cold hiding in the shadows all day, but the unabated sun is hardly bearable for more than a couple of minutes. I’m used to the constant, thick heat of Southeast Asia at this point. The sun here feels like it’s passing through […]

Categories
Meditations

The Perils of Self-Monitoring

There’s an ever-watchful eye in your life, but who’s is it? Not yours. And its judgements it makes are not your own. Even after having read the previous sentence, it will begin to tell you the story of this problem, and how you need to fix it. This is the state of surveillance within you. […]

Categories
Manifestos

Renegade Vows

There’s something brewing within me and it feels like hatred. Tame, but disdain. Everyone is stuck, but why even think about them when you are too? What about them renegade vows? Vows are never made for another. They’re always made for oneself. I won’t quote Oscar Wilde on marriage here, I’m not sure I agree […]

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Automatic Writings

Boo

No excerpt.

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Journals

Of Heaven and Hell

Well the title of this was certainly more appropriate a few minutes ago, before reading my last few entries. Amidst all the despair and wandering I felt comforted; less alone, like my writing was that of another’s. I came to this page for release. It’s been too long. Why I put it off even knowing […]

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Journals

Ride and Die

1:39pm, Ho Chi Minh City Today I woke to the comforting sounds of rain that remind me of growing up on the west coast. To me warm rain is like a warm blanket. The warm rain of my past tugs at my heart. Today I awoke to a dream life, a dream of memories. My […]

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Journals

As You Did

Well if I can’t remember why I picked up the pen in the first place then I’ll simply write about The Despair. Once again this morning I was engulfed by it. It comes from the pressure to succeed; the fear of failure. I wake up and immediately I’m hit with it. It comes from the […]

Categories
Meditations

Bubblues Burstis

Reputation. Let’s talk it. A reputation has no benefit to a person other than that which is measurable. I’m talking dollars and cents. Forget being liked. Forget looking perfect for the sake of being considered so. Where is the utility? There is indeed utility in glamour. It drives prices up. It creates an air of […]