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Journals

Observations

I find myself sitting in the same place I spent so much time at two years ago in Southeast Asia. I would come here to study things of interest, but oftentimes I would simply sit and do nothing. Having tried to do what I thought I was supposed to in the world, and sensing the […]

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Journals

Alone

The desire to escape to far-off lands magnifies. I find myself growing evermore tired of the monotony of comfort and familiarity. Sometimes things feel so meaningless and disappointing that I just want to give it all up. It’s when I’m unable to decipher the truth that the apathy comes back. Everything is indeed meaningless — […]

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Journals

Restless Nights

It’s 1:56am. Tired. Stayed up past 6am last “night”. Strange dreams. Woken without my consent. But I cannot sleep. I toss and I turn, and overheat for no apparent reason. (Was reading about an ancient master visiting his master’s grave. I long for another life. Another romanticized ghost?) It seems I can’t stop seeking. My […]

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Letters

Desert Wolves

A hurricane of bittersweet nostalgia hits me like a truck when I listen to those rough and growly guitars captured on my phone in that little industrial warehouse. I don’t know if you know this, but we were actually starting to get pretty good. But I know it was never about that. It was always […]

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Meditations

On Truth and God

I come now, having pulled the string from my teeth. Arriving at the shore, drenched, and covered in sand. “The truth is God,” he said. But who said? And where did I come from? The underworld is full of lies, and being thrust from it leaves one exquisitely disarrayed. But the path is true, and […]

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Manifestos

Severed

“Perfect purity is possible if you turn your life into a line of poetry written with a splash of blood.” Yukio Mishima It has come to my attention that when I become lethargic and feel trapped in my mind that something is off. There is something I’m not understanding, and therefore I have become disconnected […]

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Manifestos

Space Cadet

As I sit here alone and write this, I feel enormous peace. It is possible this peace can only be felt when alone. In fact, I am almost certain of this — at least for me, in this stage of my life. It has never been more obvious to me than now: I have always […]

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Journals

Falling Hard on the Rocky Floors of Reality

The truth comes down on me hard. I have been caught in a tormentful spell: the natural result of living in domestic hell. I have been chasing things I thought I’d learned not to chase long ago. I see a path laid before me, but I have not been able to overcome the constant torrents […]

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Automatic Writings

Seeking

It’s lateAnd I’m still seekingThe keysDelicately disarming, a time bombSeeing that which needs to be seenBefore a wheel starts spinningAnd whisks me awayBefore the marbles start rollingIn every directionNothing’s as it seemsThis I knowAnd I’m terrifiedOf what’s leftLurking belowThe fog

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Uncategorized

I can’t hear you. Speak louder. What is it that you want?