Who, are you?
And why, do you speak to me?
Are you trying to guide me?
Why do I feel such a wave of reassurance in your presence?
I know what you look like. I know your essence.
An incessant buzzing.
Trite nonsense, spinning, and weaving,
Identified as foe rather than friend, in its 4am callousness.
Two hours of sleep yesterday, four hours of sleep only now.
To awaken to such irrelevance: it almost seemed malicious.
I bite my tongue as the compulsion arises to speak to you directly.
In doing so I would betray the impetus behind this desire for a pittance of immediate gratification.
To do this would be immature and unserious.
The blindfold goes on.
And now I can see, what I had lost that night.
Not seeing it, but recalling its scent.
I was fallen. Beautifully so.
I had tumbled into a stark reality.
Tasting life, in all its glory.
I wake up, and before even having cleaned the sleep from my eyes, despair and silence swallows me whole.
It’s relatively late already, which surprised and irked me slightly, even though I’ve no place to go, nothing to do, and nobody to see.
In the thick of it.
Why does a human being seek?
Is finding the losing of oneself?
She said sudden understanding is in the revelation of not understanding.
She said, from “her tomb”, that when she’s not writing, she’s dead.
The world, and its people, are ignorant.
Your family and friends, in truth, only care about themselves.
They will hide from this truth by employing a multitude of excuses and justifications, in attempts to appear virtuous or “good”.
But at the end of the day, virtually everything done is born of ego.
Human beings are silly creatures.
All too often we assign value to the valueless, and to a surprising degree, the detrimental.
Like children, we see another’s desire for something, and immediately react in a knee-jerk like fashion, “deciding” we want it for ourselves.
It’s been a week since I’ve last written.
Most of my time has been spent digging through the archives, learning about myself.
It’s very interesting to see who and where I was a mere year ago.
If a ghost is present then it is I.
Yes, this is the inexplicable feeling that has been weaving and wisping its way through me.
Whether this is the beginning of “enlightenment” or “true awareness” — I don’t really care.