I find myself sitting in the same place I sat two years ago in Southeast Asia.

I’d come here often to study things of interest, but many times I’d simply sit and do nothing.

Having tried to do what I thought I was supposed to in the world, and sensing the futility in this, I stopped “trying” altogether.

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The desire to escape to far-off lands magnifies.

I find myself growing evermore tired of the monotony of comfort and familiarity.

Sometimes things feel so meaningless and disappointing that I just want to give it all up. It’s when I’m unable to decipher the truth that the apathy comes back.

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Restless Nights

It’s 1:56am. Tired. Stayed up past 6am last “night”. Strange dreams. Woken without my consent.

But I cannot sleep. I toss and I turn, and overheat for no apparent reason.

(Was reading about an ancient master visiting his master’s grave. I long for another life.

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“Restless Nights”


Desert Wolves

A hurricane of bittersweet nostalgia hits me like a truck when I listen to those rough and growly guitars captured on my phone in that little industrial warehouse.

I don’t know if you know this, but we were actually starting to get pretty good.

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“Desert Wolves”


On Truth and God

I come now, having pulled the string from my teeth.

Arriving at the shore, drenched, and covered in sand.

“The truth is God,” he said.

But who said?

And where did I come from?

The underworld is full of lies, and being thrust from it leaves one exquisitely disarrayed.

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“On Truth and God”



“Perfect purity is possible if you turn your life into a line of poetry written with a splash of blood.”

Yukio Mishima

It has come to my attention that when I become lethargic and feel trapped in my mind that something is off.

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Space Cadet

As I sit here alone and write this, I feel enormous peace.

It is possible this peace can only be felt when alone.

In fact, I am almost certain of this — at least for me, in this stage of my life.

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“Space Cadet”


Falling Hard on the Rocky Floors of Reality

The truth comes down on me hard.

I have been caught in a tormentful spell: the natural result of living in domestic hell.

I have been chasing things I thought I’d learned not to chase long ago.

I have come so far, but I have not been able to overcome the constant torrents life throws at a person.

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“Falling Hard on the Rocky Floors of Reality”

Automatic Writings


It’s late
And I’m still seeking
The keys
Delicately disarming, a time bomb
Seeing that which needs to be seen
Before a wheel starts spinning
And whisks me away
Before the marbles start rolling
In every direction
Nothing’s as it seems
This I know
And I’m terrified
Of what’s left
Lurking below
The fog


I can’t hear you.

Speak louder.

What is it that you want?